A Guide to Overcome Jealousy in a Relationship
Jealousy is a nasty thorn that pokes us from time to time. While we’re in a relationship, conflict is inevitable and could be the breaking point of it if not properly managed. But there’s a boundary between allowing conflict to be healthy in a relationship rather than destructive.
As humans, we need conflict from time to time to release our inner rage of withholding previous irritations. Your partner can’t read your mind and won’t know every moment you get irritated by what they’re doing.
It doesn’t take much jealousy or anger for an argument to escalate. For instance, if your partner is openly flirting with strangers or becoming too controlling on who you speak to, it’ll be a time to speak about it. A healthy conflict would be bringing up the issue afflicting the relationship and finding a way to resolve it.
Normally when we hear the word conflict, it raises our defenses and prepares our mind for battle. Though this mechanism has supported us in the past, it’s sometimes overused in a relationship, eventually bringing it to its end.
One of the biggest conflicts that a couple normally deal with is jealousy, otherwise known as “lovers pitfall of insanity“. Jealousy brings stress and conflict into a relationship because it invokes fear coupled with anger. While dealing with jealousy, your first reactions are hurtful, anger, or bitter. It twists a collision of nasty emotions and make you do things that you regret later.
How Jealousy is born into a Relationship
We all know how jealousy makes us feel. Our first response is feeling like something we valued is threatened, and that makes us want it even more. Most of the time we become jealous of other people because they’re wealthier or more attractive than us.
Sometimes we don’t even know the exact reason we’re jealous of another person. But it always involve the mental concept that someone has what we want. Even rich people get jealous of those in poverty because of the simplest things such as they have a better love life, they have children, or they have magic beans.
When jealousy relates to relationships, it acts as a way of increasing your self-esteem. You need your partner to tell you you’re still a prized possession and to give you that sense of validation that enhances your self-esteem.
When you notice signs of your partner taking their attention away from you for possibly another person, you get scared.
Another form of jealousy that normally arises is when you’re in a troubled relationship and fear the outcomes of losing it. From there, you see every potential mate for your partner as a threat and do things you’re sometimes not proud of.
Examples would be becoming hypersensitive, acting abusive, becoming excessively needy or placing a tracking device on them.
Most people who deal with low self-esteem are more likely to develop early stages of jealously in a relationship. It’s because they tend to use their partner as a source of validation and purpose. They set nearly their entire self-worth upon someone else to bare. However, the more you store your happiness upon anyone else, the more it’ll push them away from you.
As a result, due to a lack of trust in the relationship, your partner begins questioning the relationship. Ironically, the longer someone deals with their partner’s suspicion of cheating, the more likely that person is to look for another person to date. This is one of the main causes as to why someone in a relationship cheats.
In many cases, those who feel the strong abundance of jealousy perform abusing acts upon their partner whether physical or emotional. They use it as a way to lower their partner’s self-esteem as much as possible. This tactic is subconsciously used to lower their partner’s value so they won’t leave them. But all it does is harm the relationship and demean the person performing the abuse.
How to deal with Jealousy if you have it
There’s no shame in admitting that you’re were jealous over someone in the past. You felt that sense of fear that someone else was going to take the person you’re with or admire. The first step to remove that bothersome thought is to reflect on your emotions and ask yourself why you believe your partner might be unfaithful.
Sometimes we tend to jump into conclusion without any justification or proof. Look at your relationship history and look for clear signs that could determine if your partner is cheating on you. Don’t look through their personal possessions or invade their email or phone because not only does it hurt the relationship even more, but your self-esteem.
Respect yourself and your partner and if they are cheating on you, that’s when you summon up the courage to break away and find someone else who values you. From there, take the lessons you learned from that relationship and become wiser.
How to deal with a partner who’s jealous
It’s not easy dealing with someone who’s frequently questioning your loyalty to them. This creates discomfort in the relationship and something you eventually don’t want to be part of. Without stirring a wave of anger from them, start by discovering what they’re feeling and why they’re worried about the relationship.
Sometimes, all your partner needs is a reassurance that you’re not cheating on them, and to be reminded how much you love them. Listen to your partner’s worries and give them the attention they may be starving for. The longer you neglect someone with low self-esteem, the more they begin questioning their own value in the relationship.
This doesn’t mean you need to be with them every minute of the day. But make it clear they’re still a special part of your life and you’ll always be there when they need you. Remember to tell your partner you love them to remind them about your feelings for them.
If your in an early stage of your relationship, tell them how special or smart they are, and that you enjoy being with them. These small, but considerate, words lower your partner’s fear of being abandoned and reduces their jealousy.
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