An Introvert’s Guide to Enjoy Being Alone Without Feeling Guilty
One of the biggest problems introverts face every weekend is whether or not they should attend a variety of social events or stay at home alone. They question their introverted habits and debate whether or not to change their ways for the sake of not being the “boring person”. This leads them to more parties, clubs or concerts than they can handle. But one of the keys that makes introverts happy is quietness and cultivating their deep inner world.
It’s an introvert inner world that gives them a moment to find peace within themselves and return back to the world when their social energy replenishes. It’s their inner world that allows them to spend time to themselves without the constant fear they need someone else in their life.
Introverts who develop a deep inner world are happy no matter what happens, and will not have to rely on other people, alcohol, material things, and most importantly, other people, to make them happy.
There is nothing wrong with having any of those things occasionally, but you should be just as happy when you don’t have them. An introvert has the right to determine what they want to do on their time off.
Yes, there are moments where you spend more time alone than you should. To which those are the times you do need to go out and speak to people. But when you go out simply because you feel obligated to, you make simple mistakes that you regret later. You don’t live in the moment when you’re at a club or social environment because you’re constantly regretting the fact you left your comfy couch.
When your socialization level is low, you should be able to spend Friday and Saturday night alone by having some tea and reading a book. You shouldn’t have the fear that because it’s a certain day of the week that you must exert your energy and party like a rock star.
Although spending a weekend in solitude is something most people can’t do or even comprehend, it’s the introvert’s ability to dig into their deep inner world that makes them happier AND a lot more attractive to other people.
It’s Natural and NORMAL to enjoy Solitude
Solitude can scare people because it triggers a part of their brain that tricks them into believing they have no value. But take into consideration the definition of value.
Human beings look at relationships in terms of power. Our minds are wired to look at society as a hierarchy, with an alpha at the top, and a bunch of people beneath the alpha begging for something in return. The key to this hierarchy is the control any resource.
If person A has something person B needs, and person B doesn’t have anything person A needs, person A is the “alpha” and B is the beta. It is ingrained in human beings to look at people who provide things to us as “above” us and people who are needy as “below” us.
How does this relate to YOU?
The power of value is only as important as you make it out to be. There is very little anybody has that you actually need, so you can easily avoid being “beneath” anybody or feel the need to go out to the club, movies, or any social function just to be “part” of the group.
Of course, you would love to spend a weekend in Los Angeles exploring every Museum you lay your eyes on with your friend, but you don’t NEED that. Mature, intelligent, enlightened introverts aren’t awed by other power power.
Here is an example:
There is nothing wrong with eating pizza every once in a while. But imagine if somebody was addicted to pizza and would be miserable if they didn’t have them. A person can only eat so many slices of pizza in a day. So any person addicted to pizza will feel horrible 99% of the day, and will only feel happy that 1% of the day when they are actually eating pizza.
Most people aren’t addicted to pizza like that, but they are addicted to other things. Introverts can be miserable when they’re lonely, and they gain fleeting, temporary happiness when someone do like them. They betray their introverted habits in exchange for activities that repeatedly drain their energy and tear them apart.
That’s a miserable existence for not just Introverts, but for anyone. It’s made even worse by the fact that because you are dependent on this “hopeful feeling,” of wanting acceptance anybody with this “hopeful feeling” can control and abuse you, whether they are a beautiful woman or a drug dealer.
How to Create a Deep Inner World Without Relying on Others
Engage in Practices that Boost your Self-Esteem
A practice is a hobby that you actually get better at and can produce tangible results. Painting, cooking, writing, bodybuilding, stand up comedy, and getting good at your job are all practices. Watching movies, being a “foodie,” and playing video games are not practices. There is nothing wrong with those things, but they won’t boost your self-esteem.
Stimulate Yourself Intellectually
Read some philosophy, watch some documentaries, and meet some cool people. You don’t have to engage with crowds at a time, but develop a habit of speaking to new people occasionally to gain their point of view from certain subjects. Humans have an innate need to stimulate their mind, and if you don’t actively seek out intellectually enriching stuff you will end up stimulating your mind with garbage, like irrelevant pop culture or fake news from your Facebook feed. There is nothing wrong with pop culture or referencing the latest gossip, but that can’t be the full extent of your intellectual stimulation.
Know and Feel comfortable with Yourself
If you have weird unresolved issues or childhood traumas, schedule a trip to the therapist. Stop hating yourself. You may have flaws, but you can either work on improving yourself or just wallow in how much you suck. Think about yourself objectively, rather than how others see you.
I’ve always been into card games, but my friends would make fun of me because they were worried I would look like a nerd. But now, I realize, there’s nothing wrong with being into card games. Or photography. Or Edgar Allan Poe. And to be completely honest, one of my most attractive things I can do in front of a woman is go on a rant about art.
Learn to enjoy the small things
It is cliché, but crucial. The secret to not letting other people control your happiness is by enjoying lunch, smelling the flowers every once in a while, and just staring up and admiring the stars. Society makes us think that a “successful” person is rich, good looking, or famous. But the real key to happiness is enjoying the ordinary parts of life. When you wake up in the morning and have breakfast, do you really enjoy it?
When you go out with your friends, do you actually have fun or are you just going through the motions to look cool? If you are driving in the country, do you admire the trees and flowers? At any given moment in the day, are you enjoying what you are doing, or are you thinking about something else?
Most people only derive happiness from the “spikes” in their life such as music festivals, drugs, sex, or crazy movies. But truly happy people derive pleasure from everything such as a good night’s sleep, a walk in their neighborhood, a conversation with a good friend, or a good day at work.
Part of enjoying the small things is being good at day to day life like getting enough sleep, eating well, or keeping a clean home.
There are celebrities who live MISERABLE lives. They enjoy the fun parts of their job like being on stage or dating models, but the rest sucks. They hate traveling, they hate being recognized by “weird fans” who harass them, they hate pretentious Hollywood people, and they hate the instability of their career.
Who do you think enjoys life more? The rock star who spends an hour on stage every night happy and the rest of the time doing drugs and depressed? Or the HR that has a kind of boring job but enjoys the small things?
Surround Yourself With Positive People
Find yourself some good, solid friends you can rely on. Unlike Facebook, you don’t need 500 friends to have a happy life. All that’s really needed is ONE. A lot of rude people don’t have any real solid friends, so they are just desperate for any type of human connection. And because none of their relationships are truly satisfying, they jump from bad person to bad person, all the while acting rude themselves. Avoid being that person.
Read Good Fiction
This is a requirement. Human beings can only learn about themselves and the world through stories. You can either feed yourself intelligent, interesting, deep stories, or you can gossip about people and get involved in petty real-life drama.
I used to resist reading fiction because I thought it was a waste of time. I now realize that almost any problem you have or pain you are going through has been written about in some novel by a brilliant writer on a deeper, more intelligent level than you can possibly imagine. Someone acting like a total jerk? Already seen it in a Oscar Wilde novel. Friend backstabbed you? Read some Shakespeare.
Validation is Not As Important as You Think
Realize that “outer world” stuff like people’s validation and dating attractive people is not that great. Dating someone who’s hot can be fun, but at the end of the day, you are still interacting with a flawed human who’s no different than you.
Our entire day can be ruined if someone we like didn’t text us back or we were rejected by that cute person. But despite how attractive someone is, there’s someone in the world who can’t stand the way they act. It’s amazing if you think about the misery some people put themselves through to speak to a human just like themselves.
Once you dated a few models, the magic disappears and you realize they are just people with all the fears, insecurities and weaknesses you have. I would even go so far as to say that the main thing that attracts people to 9s and 10s is ego boost, and, like the pizza addict, they spend 95% of their day miserable for that 5% of the day where they feel cool because they’re with a “10.”
Create a sense of dignity in yourself
Remember that you’re just a human being like everyone else. There is nothing wrong with being confident because you are smart, hard working, and successful. But at the end of the day you should also know that you are entitled to a certain amount of respect because you are a human being.
The main reason people become needy and pathetic is because they see others as above them and will do anything to get those people approval. But the power structure is all in your head. Like I mentioned earlier, value is only as powerful as you make it to be.
If you stop seeing yourself as being beneath people, you will no longer need their validation. And you won’t have to beg to be their slave and you will no longer let them cross boundaries and treat you like dirt.
Keep in Mind
Your inner world is a place no one should concern themselves with. You shouldn’t be building your inner world to impress anybody or to make anybody like you. If you do, you’ve missed the whole point.
Most people don’t have a deep inner world they can share. Most people are still reliant on other people, drugs, and society’s dumb fads to keep themselves happy. And they don’t have that inner sense of dignity that makes them refuse to be treated like dirt.
Having a deep inner world will make you more attractive. You will be less desperate and you will enforce your boundaries. If someone starts acting like a jerk to you, you will not hesitate to go home and put on a nature documentary because you are just as happy doing that.
When people see that you aren’t phased by meaningless topics like celebrities, money or their car they will slowly realize that there is something different about you. And more importantly, they will be more likely to make a deep emotional connection with you because you won’t look like a thirsty, manipulative loser who will say anything to get people to like you. You will appear to be less desperate because you aren’t trying to conform. You’ll have more fun.
And finally, having a deep inner world doesn’t prevent you from having an outer world. I will still go to a music festival dressed like a Marvel character and jam out all weekend. It’s part of the beauty of life. When I meet people I will still chat about pop culture nonsense and joke around about being an egomaniac.