I have a very uncommon appearance. I have a Scottish/British looking face and I have greyish eyes and a big long nose. My eyes make me feel a little strange and I just wish I could look like everyone else. What can I do to improve my self-confidence based on the way I look?
1) confidence with a qualifier, e.g., I’m confident in my looks, I’m confident in my intelligence…etc; and
2) overall confidence in one’s self, i.e. I’m confident in me.
The former is specific to achievements, looks or skills that come naturally or through work. You can grow to feel confident in them, sure. But if that is all you do, you might only be confident as long as those things hold up. In this case your confidence is tied to that thing only, not to you. That’s not sustainable.
The latter is a more fundamental feeling of self-trust: no matter what life throws at you, you can handle it – kind of feeling.
And contrary to most answers here, I think overall confidence is not simply the summation of qualified confidences. You might be the most beautiful person in the world AND smart, but that doesn’t mean you will be confident in your self. I think enough premature celebrity suicides have shown us that. It has to come from another place.
The reverse, however, is true. By building your overall confidence, it will overflow and boost confidence in other areas. It’s kinda like saying, “I don’t know how to fish, but I trust myself to figure it out.” Or, “I don’t know if that woman is going to accept my date offer but I’ll survive if she doesn’t.”
Confident people aren’t more sure about a positive result, they are just not as afraid of failure.
This is because their sense of self isn’t tied to achievements, skills, or looks. Which leads me to my next point.
How do you improve your overall confidence? Good question.
In my personal experience, integrity has been the main driver of real confidence. Integrity embodies compassion, generosity of spirit, honesty, reciprocal actions. It means treating people kindly, helping others, thinking about the world around you.
You can put yourself through almost anything as long as at the end of the day, you can say: I did the right thing and in so doing, I did right by others.
This is how you start to get confidence in yourself, practice integrity.
It doesn’t mean you won’t have self-doubt, or that you won’t fail, or that others won’t disagree. It will take a while to get there. But you will get through it if you believe in your integrity, and thus yourself.
If you have nothing else, have that. If you do, you’re already better than most.
Stay away from negativity and bring on the positivity
This is the time to really evaluate your inner circle, including friends and family. This is a tough one, but it’s time to seriously consider getting away from those individuals who put you down and shred your confidence. Even a temporary break from Debbie Downer can make a huge difference and help you make strides toward more self-confidence.
Be positive, even if you’re not feeling it quite yet. Put some positive enthusiasm into your interactions with others and hit the ground running, excited to begin your next project. Stop focusing on the problems in your life and instead begin to focus on solutions and making positive changes.
It’s hard to be confident in yourself if you don’t think you’ll do well at something. Beat that feeling by preparing yourself as much as possible. Think about taking an exam: if you haven’t studied, you won’t have much confidence in your abilities to do well on the exam. But if you studied your butt off, you’re prepared, and you’ll be much more confident. Now think of life as your exam, and prepare yourself.
Work on small things
Trying to take on a huge project or task can be overwhelming and daunting and intimidating for anyone, even the best of us. Instead, learn to break off small chunks and work in bursts. Small little achievements make you feel good, and they add up to big achievements. Learn to work like this all the time, and soon you’ll be a self-confident maniac.
Hello, I know this question was from two years ago, but I am answering it today. 12.29.2017 – I am going to be brutally honest with you!!! From what you have described, it doesn’t sound so bad to me, however, you haven’t really given specific detail. BUT….. here is what I used to always do, call it weird or strange, but I can assure you it will help you!!! I helped me. When you are alone, either in the bathroom or in your room and you have a mirror, sit or stand in front of it and stare at yourself. Seriously!!! For a long time, pose in front of it, brush your teeth maybe a couple times and watch yourself brushing your teeth in front of your mirror. Talk to yourself in front of your mirror. I promise you, this will work, do this everyday, every single day until the final day you do it and you decide to take yourself out to lunch. Yes…. you decide to take your own self out to lunch, why??? Because you are hott af, and you want the world to see what you now see in yourself. I know, I know this sounds crazy, but I assure you this will work.